The Bouncer

The first two graduations of Midwestern University's 2011 commencement season are in the books here in Glendale.

My job for Graduation Day for the Arizona College of Osteopathic Medicine (AZCOM) and select programs of the College of Health Sciences (CHS-AZ) was to be The Greeter in the Glendale Campus Auditorium lobby. That was my official title. My unofficial title was "The Bouncer," because my main job outside of welcoming people to the ceremony was to intercept (very politely) items that might go against fire codes (strollers, large packages, items people might place in the aisles) or obstruct vision (giant flower bouquets, helium-filled balloons, cardboard signs) and divert them to a storage area in the lobby. I also had one of the hardest jobs of the day - convincing people at the early commencement that they had to relinquish their coffee before entering the auditorium.

Now, let me explain something about myself. I enjoy being liked. I do not, consequently, relish the role of the heavy (no matter how much I physically might meet the requirements). Being the poster boy for inconvenience definitely was not the first item on my graduation day bucket list. Still, I was gratified to see that the vast majority of visitors understood (if they didn't always appreciate) the rules of the road and complied without me needing to radio for security.

The enormous upshot of being The Bouncer, though, came in the moments after everyone was seated in the auditorium. Positioned as I was in the lobby, I was the first person to see the processional of students, headed by a pair of bagpipers, as they made their way to the Auditorium. The solemnity and grandeur of that march still gives me good chills thinking about it. I got to see the anticipation in the graduates' eyes and the exaggerated desire to appear relaxed while inside they were twisted into knots.

I also got to have the first glance at them when they left the Auditorium in their recessional. While their friends and family waited inside, the graduates filed out onto the plaza with enormous grins, squeals and shouts of delight, and back-thumping hugs. I recall the sense of accomplishment very well from my own commencement back in the Dark Ages; I can only imagine how much more these graduates felt it based on their academic accomplishments and because of the titles now irrevocably appended to their names.

So in a way, being The Bouncer was one of the best jobs available on that memorable day. For every Starbucks cup I remorselessly directed to the trash can, there was a glint of joy and celebration in the eye of a Midwestern University student who had achieved a long-coveted goal.

It's a good gig if you can get it.